I AM SOKOTO

He sat up straight,his back resting against the wall, he wasn’t tired but he wanted her to believe so. He didn’t want her to stay till night. But he knew her,she’ll find a way to make sure she sleeps over. He knew her tricks and she knew his too. They’v been at it for a while now. After a year of dating,she still does not know where he stays.
Most of their meetings had been in several hotels. She wiLl get there to find that a room had been booked and instructions given on the bed. She followed them strictly. She knew better not to. He’ll come and they would make love,but he’l leave very early morning and return in the afternoon. One day she noticed that most hotels they lodged in was always close to a mosque. But her hunch shrugged it away&she took it to be nothing. She kept asking what he did for a living and he always answered “I work in the government”. Not that she believed him though, she felt it safe not to be too inquisitive. Though she snooped around to find out if he really worked for or in the government she couldn’t find anything tangible. She dropped it.
They had been in Yola together during the Christmas period. On the 27th they traveled by air to Kano to see some of his relatives. At least that was what he said. They were going to see his relatives. When they got there she was surprised he took her to another Hotel. She got angry. She didn’t want to follow him. How could he? Not when she was glad she’ll finally meet some members of his family. All along as she asked him questions in the cab he didn’t say a word. Wait!Can she call it a cab? It wasn’t a cab, it was a Benz. A posh Benz Compressor. But there were expensive cars around Kano being used as cabs anyway… She shrugged it off again.
When they got to the hotel he ran a hot shower and when he was done he came out with the towel tied around his waist. He was in looking at her through the mirror with the corner of his eyes and laughing to himself at the gimpy face she made sitting on the bed. He used one of his arab cologne and turned to her. “Go shower quickly or I’d leave you behind and you will never meet my siblings” he said. “Siblings” she said, almost screaming all the excitement of the world bursting forth from her stomach. She started jumping on the bed dancing. He stood for a while backing the mirror and facing her. The happiness in her face. She undress quickly and rushed into the bathroom. He could hear her singing. That always turned him on. Her voice. He felt a swollen bulge in his crouch. He walked swiftly to his small bag pack and brought out a condom,wore it,went to the intercom telephone dialed room 507 and spoke into the phone “I’d be in the bathroom.change my things don’t touch hers. Be 20 minutes late”. He dropped the receiver and went into the bathroom, she was almost done. But when she saw him naked,his hugeness in her face she mellowed. He kissed her with hunger and passion. Crashing her back against the shower cubicle. She wrapped her legs around his waist while he was thrusting deep. They kept going in that pace for about two minutes, then she turned her buttocks in between his thighs,he continued for like forever until she thought she heard the door locked. She stopped abruptly but he acted as if he didn’t hear a thing, in fact he continued,racy. She broke free away from him and went to the room. She didn’t see anyone, nothing changed. By the time they were done and she came into the room she was tired. Her legs were shaking so he carried her to rest on the bed. She dozed off. He wore his white Danshiki and left the room. Disconnected the intercom by removing the wire that was connected to the plug and left the room.
When she woke up it was 7 pm. She was hungry. There was no light in the room. She managed to turn on the switch by tracing it on the wall above her head on the bed. The room was perfect, nothing had changed, except that he was not there. She tried opening the door, using the intercom. She knew what he had done. She was furious. She screamed,kicked,cried and finally fell asleep again. When he walked in around 12.40 she heard footsteps. She knew he was the one so she took the lamp holder on the drawer beside the bed. She wanted to kill him. How could he send her to sleep? When the door opened it was rounds of bullet being shot from gun machine she heard. Her heart pulsed, she crouched behind the door. They didn’t switch on the light,they just kept firing at every direction. For another two minutes then it was over. They were gone. She stayed there another three minute before she could muscle herself to move. She peered slowly from behind the door.
The hall way was silent. Nobody was insight. She became even more frightened. Are there no other customers here? How come no one is here to help. She moved out. Still no one. To the elevator but it was not working. She wanted to go down the stairs but she was scared. What if they were on the staircase? The shooters. She stepped back. Just as she stepped back into their gun ridden room she heard someone called her from the adjacent room, she looked behind and saw him standing by the door way. Tears began to roll down her eyes,she ran into his arms. shivering. She went into convulsion and passed out. They carried her,into the car and they zoomed off. Off to Mujilah barracks. In Musa two bedroom flat. He coudn’t make the flight tomorrow morning. He didn’t have the time to waste. So they drove. From 4 am to 6pm in the car. She at the back seat in the KIA jeep. When he noticed she was shaking and talking. This was around 2pm,he ordered the driver to pack. He went to the back seat and untied her hands and made her head fall on his laps. They kept driving. Destination was Bauchi.
He dropped her off at her house in Abuja on the 6th of Januray. She kept expecting him to call. But he didn’t. She had told him in Bauchi that some people in government. Some corrupt people were trying to kill him. That’s why they coundn’t see his “siblings” again in Kano. She didn’t hear from him anymore until when she saw the news and his picture as the man wanted for the Christmas day bombing in Madallah. Fear gripped her. Her aunty noticed. She quickly re-arranged her countenance. When she got into the room that night she couldn’t sleep. She kept crying. “The bastard didn’t work for the government” she kept repeating to herself. She was still crying when her aunty opened the door. She quickly sank her face into the bed. She came to her. “What is wrong with you Jemilah?Re u Pregnant?” She shook her head in disapproval. “Then what is it” she asked again. Then she lifted her face to her aunt’s “That man they showed on tv. That Boko Haram man, I saw him some days back. He helped me with transport fare” she lied. Her aunty comforted her till she fell asleep.
Some days later she saw on the news that the captured Boko Haram member who was responsible for the christmas day bombing in Madallah has escaped. Her heart froze. She knew he was going to come to her. When her aunty walked into the sitting room and saw what she was watching, she turned the television off. There was a 50million naira bounty on his head. Her Aunty was worried. “Should we go to the police tomorrow”. Again she shook her head in disapproval. They went to sleep. At midnight she heard a noise creaking around her window. She was almost by the window when he jumped in. She wanted to scream but he covered her mouth. “I was framed” he kept repeating it. “Remember they tried to kill us at the hotel? It was them.” “Who?” She asked, he looked at her for a moment walked her to the bed where they sat, he continued “you can’t understand,iv not gotten to the root of the matter yet”. They talked for a while, till they both fell asleep. When she woke up he was gone. She felt happy a bit. She loved him. She was running late for work. When she got out of the bathroom and towering herself in front of the standing mirror she remembered their last time together. Suddenly, her eyes caught a white envelope by her drawer. When she picked it up, she found out it was just a white paper. She unfolded it. It read “Maybe I was framed, maybe I wasn’t. But Friday21st they will heat my side of the story. The world will be shocked. I AM SOKOTO”.

I’m sorry for any typographical and grammatical errors you might find here. I didn’t have time to edit. The story stayed to much inmy head. Just wanted to get it out.Thanks for reading. Someday I hope to make short films out of all these that I write.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Gone With The Christmas Flames

When Oga Wilson paid Uduak’s salary on the 23rd of December, he was very excited. He had thought because he was sick in the first two weeks of December he wouldn’t get paid until the following month which would have been next year. But when Oga Wilson called him into his office and handed him his envelope he was so happy he didn’t know when he went on his knees and said “thank you”. He was even more excited when he rushed into the toilet and counted the money and found out he had a Christmas bonus. He ran back into Oga Wilson’s office and thanked him again. He was happy.
After work that day, he went to Oyingbo market and personally bought foodstuff for the house, his wife Itoro was pregnant again with their 4th child. She was 6 months gone and the doctor had warned that she shouldn’t be stressed. So when she broke down with malaria a few days back he decided not to stress her at all. He bought a chicken, some pepper, rice, and all the ingredients he thought would do the magic so his family could have a good Christmas. Umoh his second son was still mad at him for not paying for his end of the year party fiesta the school had organized. He wanted to compensate him with something better. On his way back home he counted the money left on him, it was seven thousand. He shook his head. Life was becoming unbearable. He told himself he must go to the Ijaw midwife in his area and pay three thousand down payments for his wife’s delivery. It was ten thousand naira. He’ll pay five thousand the following month. She still had three months to go, by then he would have paid the bills in full and still be able to buy some baby things.
When he got home, the kids were asleep already so they didn’t see the chicken until the 24th morning. He saw the smiles on their faces. Even his wife was happy with the things he bought. The Rev Father had given him some new kid’s clothes a non governmental organization brought to the church some weeks back. So he didn’t need to buy any Christmas clothes for the kids. That had been sorted already. That is why the Rev Father had advised that he must bring the family to church on Christmas as people from the non governmental organization will be in church that day to help families with scholarships for their kids and other things. He hoped to make the list. If the scholarship can be given to Umoh who was very brilliant he would be happy. That would be one school fee off his neck and he could divert the funds to the up keep of the coming baby. He hadn’t plan for another baby. When his wife told him she was pregnant. He didn’t know how to take it. He didn’t want another baby. But there was nothing he could do. It was the same thing that happened when she told him she was pregnant with Emem, he had screamed at her for allowing herself to be pregnant when she knew their condition. She had blamed herself for being pregnant and had tried to remove the unborn baby with some concoctions which almost killed her. Again, it was the Rev Father who rescued them by taking her to a standard hospital and paid all the bills. So when she told him about this pregnancy, he was careful about his reaction. Though he didn’t want it, he was calm. He showed her more affection and care.
On the 24th night before they went to church for the Passover service, he killed the chicken and she prepared some of the ingredients for the jollof rice and afang soup she would prepare on Christmas. At least they won’t feel less when their neighbors merry, they will also merry. After the Passover service, he bought some fire works for the kids who were really crying for one. His wife slept immediately they got home so she could wake up on time on Christmas to start preparing the little she can before they go to church. This year’s Christmas was indeed special, it had fallen on a Sunday.
Umoh was the first to wake. He screamed from his sleep. He had a bad dream. He woke up screaming “mommy mommy”. Uduak rushed to him and woke him up. He asked the 6 years old what was wrong and all he could say was “church fire, Church fire, everything fire”. He didn’t understand her so he parted his head some more and took him to the bathroom to bathe him as he did for the rest. He brought out the clothes Rev Father had given him and wore it for them one after the other. The time was 8.30 already. His wife was already done cooking the afang soup. She kept the soup in a cooler, she served them some of the rice and kept the rest in another cooler. They all got dressed and left for Church.
THE CHURCH SERVICE
When they got to the church round about, they saw a herd of cow but their herdsman was not there, just the cows, roaming the junction. They were a little late for church though, it was hard finding keke napep. When they got in, service was in full gear, everybody was dancing. The choir was singing a popular tune so they also danced in and sat on some of the empty seat available. Church was jam-packed. His eyes and the Rev Fathers’ met and they both smiled. His family was looking well-kept and neat. The Rev Father was happy. After dancing, Rev Father preached a little about the essence of Christmas and why giving is important. Some minutes later the non governmental organization mounted the podium and spoke a little about their mission and why they have decided to identify with the church despite all the churches around. They gave some families bags of rice, more clothes, medicines and lastly the scholarships. They had asked all parents to submit their kids school report card for the term and for the year. Umoh had the best result so far with Chinyere Uwazurike closely behind him. Both of them were given the scholarship. The organization would pay for their school fee up to their secondary school level with the promise that they would keep good grades and be in their best behaviors. Uduak was so happy. He danced out when the kids and their parents were asked to come out. His son had made him proud. This was his best Christmas since he got married. When he went back to their seat his wife was crying already. She smiled at him and parted Umoh’s head. Then Umoh said “I want to go to the toilet”. At first they didn’t hear him, until he repeated it for the third time. The music was too loud. The church toilet was another building apart from the church. It was like a boy’s quarter detached from the church’s building. He called an usher who took Umoh to the toilet. As they left, Rev Father asked everyone to be on their feet so he could pray for them. He said “Dear Lord, we your children have gathered today to celebrate the birth of your son, our savior who laid down his life so we can live…” He was still praying when the microphone started going hot in his hands. He threw it on the floor. He let out a painful “Jesus” and everyone was forced to open their eyes. Everybody was surprised to see the microphone on the floor. Smoke was coming out from the microphone. He moved close to it to see what could be the cause. The rest of the congregation chorused “blood of Jesus, blood of Jesus”. As he kicked the microphone a little, it’s sparked then in the split of a second the whole church crashed. A loud bang was heard. The church was in smoke. Umoh and the usher fell to the ground. Bodies, half burnt, some completely burnt scattered everywhere. Umoh kept crying, some building block of the toilet had crashed on him. His left arm was trapped. The usher with him who had waited for him outside carried some blocks off his hand and helped him out. Umoh kept crying “church fire, everything fire”. His parents had been in the church. The soldiers came later and held him. Only five people had survived. And they were the people who were in the toilet. Everybody in the church was gone. Gone with the flames.

POSTSCRIPT; I don’t know anything about everything. But when I heard about the bombing. I pitied us. All of us as a nation. That we have come to this point in our history when the lives of human being would be taken without cause, respect. I thought of every person like Uduak that would have been in that church. I started typing. Say a prayer for Nigeria please.

the MESH

The Phunkiphanization of my Muse.
The first time he saw her, nothing really attracted him to her, except her dreadlocks. They were neatly folded. Maybe if she had worn a melancholic look there would have been nothing that would have attracted him to her. She didn’t have the popular most accepted figure 8, she was not fair and she didn’t wear make-up. But as he was about to remove his gaze from her she smiled. Her faced broke into million fragments of stars or sun. Whatever it is, it was bright. Just then he noticed he has been starring at her for long. He couldn’t help it, he smiled back. Her face shied off. As if recovering a realm he looked away. They were in a class. He had never noticed her, he wondered why. He didn’t take their smiling at each other to be anything. When the class was over he hurried home. When he got to his room, her smiling face kept replaying in his head. He smiled to himself. He has not had time to look at girls. For some time he had purposely decided not to have anything to do with any girl. He had always thought girls meant trouble. He didn’t take her seriously. The next day at school he didn’t see her, he didn’t look for her. She was gone. Like the rest of the girls appearing and disappearing in school she was gone. In the middle of his thoughts someone called his name out, the voice sounded like Ashley’s voice he turned and saw Ashlely. She was with the mystery lady and when she saw him again she smiled, again her face broke into million fragments of stars or sun. He smiled back. Ashley waved. They both exchanged glances and he faced the board. Professor Yemi walked in to the class, looking young as ever at 51. He mounted the podium and wrote on the board ‘gesticulation’. He asked ‘who can explain this in the theatrical term?’ No one said anything for the first 1 minute, until Ashley raised her hand and gave it a shot. Prof liked it but he was looking for something more accurate. He started writing on his pad when Prof said ‘yes you on dreads’. He heard her. Her voice was cool. Like the face of a flowing stream. Cool. He turned his head and she was there. It was her. After answering Prof’s question she smiled at him again and sat down. He felt overwhelmed. He started writing. It looked like poetry
Thus have I met the real Helen of Troy
The Greeks died for nothing.
Dare say it’s a ploy, to tie me down with her smiles.
Even Apollo would become man again to steal a glance of her face
But I it was who was first lucky.
Prof noticed him writing so he coughed and said ‘Dotun, which girl do you fancy in the class?’ he looked lost. He wasn’t expecting the question so he replied ‘excuse me sir?’ Prof repeated himself ‘I said which girl do you fancy in the class?’ he heard Prof clearly now. Maybe it blabbed out of his mouth or something he didn’t know but he turned back and pointed to the girl on dreadlocks. Her face was down, on her book. He wanted her to see. But he didn’t care. He turned to Prof who asks again ‘and how would you tell her, non-verbally?’ he thought for half a minute and said ‘a smile’ ‘the most natural, gesticulations are important to actors because they say more than what words would say’ Prof said. He sat down and read through his poem again. He had not written anything like a poem in months. He tried to tear the sheet of paper but he liked it. What he wrote. He read again, smiled and turned to her but when their faced locked she didn’t smile back. He felt it was lopsided. Anyway he barely paid attention throughout Prof’s lecture so when the bell rang he jumped out of his seat and went to his room. He read the poem again.
The next one week he didn’t look at her. Though they look at each briefly but it was not consciously. He kept to himself, he didn’t want trouble. He didn’t want any woman’s trouble. But one day while talking to Ashley the mystery girl came and was talking to Ashley, he tried not to look at her. But all his energy was poured into here eyes. Her dread locks. He kept looking. As if being overwhelmed by his gaze she spoke first ‘why re u looking at me?’. He felt embarrassed, all he could mutter was a lazy ‘sorry’ and continued talking to Ashley who seemed displaced and asked ‘do you both know each other?” he couldn’t stand it anymore. He walked away.
When he got home he wrote two poems, one about her, the other about living. He tucked it under his pillow. In class the next day he gave one to her. He walked up to her and said “hi, I wrote something last night, I think you should read it”. He dropped it in her hand and walked away. When he got home he told himself “you should talk to this girl Dotun, are you scared?” he dispelled the idea and continued writing. For every time he saw her or heard her voice he scribbled something down. It was like madness.
The next day she replied, with a note. He liked it. He wrote back to her and like that they continued writing to each other until one day when he was about to give her a poem she said “we should talk. Re u shy?” her voice was like a kiwi, a violin. He couldn’t make it out.
Dotun; what about?
Dreaded One; you’re really talented. I like your poems. All of them. They’re very romantic. It’s not common in this modern age.

Dotun ; thanks. How do you tell by a poem that I am talented?

Dreaded One: I’ve seen you act a part in a play before. Your expressions are wonderful. I also saw you rapping the other day and you’re hella funny

Dotun; wow, sound like you know so much about me already. How come I don’t know you? What’s your name ?
Dreaded One; Phefunkified

Dotun ; what. Is that a name?
Phefunkified; just call me that.

The conversation went on and on. They continued writing each other. Then one day, she came with anger in her hands. Returned his note and said “I don’t like when people think they are smart. You have a girl”. He took the note and walked away, leaving her where she stood. When he got into his room he buried his head in his pillow. He couldn’t sleep. What was she talking about? Who was she even talking about? He couldn’t make anything out of it so he slept trying to make sense out her rage earlier in the day. The next day when they saw it was in the midst of preying eyes. He took her to a corner, his eyes searching her mind. He wanted to know what was going on in her head. What she heard who she had been listening to. They hadn’t gotten round their first sentence to each other when Jaye walked by and came to them. He never liked Jaye, he was a snake. A green snake under any grass, green or not. He walked up to them and tapped her by the shoulder; she looked at him and smiled. Dotun was there with his mouth opened. Confused he kept trying to get her around to talk to her so he’ll know what she was talking about. Later he saw Ashley and told Ashley what had happened. She told him she had heard some horrible things about him, she got scared, Jaye came along she sort of like him. Jaye lived opposite his room. So when she calls him he makes it a duty to speak loudly, sometimes coming to the corridor to talk just so Dotun could hear their conversation. Dotun would be in his room raving mad like a dog with rabies. One day he showed up at her door unannounced seeking to talk to her. She came out and Dotun told her all he was, did, ever did “you should have given me a chance. You crucified me before even knowing me. I really like you and I was thinking we could make it things work” she smiled. He didn’t expect to get her to smile.
For weeks they kept talking but Jaye was in the picture. She has grown to like both of them. It became a fight of who could love her most. He didn’t want to play it. He kept telling himself he didn’t want to compete for her love. But he kept writing. He liked his poems. He thought of her often. He hated himself for it. Everything had happened too fast, too quick and had gone too far. He wanted to hate her. Her heart was divided. He thought he had her heart to himself. He was tired. It was emotionally exhausting. The girl she had asked him about was a friend. She wouldn’t believe him. Too many water, even blood had gone under the bridge. He kept writing.

 

And Isreal Jumped

When the alarm woke her around 2,30 am, it wasn’t for her,she had set the alarm because of Israel, her two year old son. His bed-wetting she thought to curb now before he grew older. So for some days now she’ll wake up at 2.30 am with the help of the
alarm and wake all of them, all four of them to pee. Onyeka and Ngozi don’t need waking. At 12 and 9 respectively they stopped bed wetting since they were 3 years old. When she got into the kids room,she went to his corner of the bed and shook him a little. As he turned she noticed he had already peed on the mattress, still she woke him up and led him half asleep to the toilet. Still the 2 year old peed the remaining urine in his bladder. She did same for all four of them. She was about to go back to bed when she remembered she had a dream. She was not really sure. It must have been a dream. Slowly the scenes from the dream play out in her head.
In the dream, she had woken up to meet people in her living room. Her friends from the Town’s Meeting, Her Women’s Club Members,Neighbors, Husband’s Friends and relatives. She didn’t know what had happened. May be the dream would have continued but for the blaring of the alarm. As she made to go back to bed, she remembered what the Prophet she had gone to see the day before told her, “every 3am for 7 days you should wake up and pray fervently. Pray and ask for protection”. She starred at the wall clock. It was 2.47am. She decided to wait till 3 am. As she laid there sleep took her on his wings until she suddenly snapped up around 4.15am. Her husband’s alarm had blasted off. He got up and rushed to the bathroom. The military bus will pass in front of their house by 5am on the spot. If he missed it he’ll be late for work. She had missed the vigil. She went into the wardrobe and brought his uniform. When he was about to leave for work she followed him to the staircase quickly as he rushed out of the house ” You know the kids have resumed at school, why not give me some money so I can buy them books and school bags”. He looked at her for a while and murmured “how much do you need?”. Before she could come up with an answer he dipped his hand into his pocket and gave her 10 thousand. “That’s all I can afford, if its not enough add to it” . He ran down. It was alrdy 4.55.
She went back into the house and started preparing breakfast. When it was 6 am. She woke up the two eldest children and they got to their house chores. When it was 7 am Ngozi woke up the younger ones and the mattress was taken to the backyard balcony where Ngozi spread it on the railing. By 7.30 the kids were prepared and ready to go to school. But not Isreal. He was running temperature again. His body burning hot while he complained of cold. The mother had thought he should stay home so she can take him to the barrack clinic. Ngozi had taken Rachel and his brother to school while she prepared herself to go to the market. Isreal had just barely finished eating his indomie when Nnena’s school bus horned for the kiDs. She quickly grabbed the kid’s food pack and led her down their three story building apartment. The lived on the topmost floor She was with the bus driver complaining to him that Nnena had been reporting a bully to her and she would not take it likely if anything should happen to her daughter. As the bus drove away Mama Fatima, the woman who lives on the ground floor ran out of her house screaming, running to the backyard. She wondered what must have happened, but she went upstairs to meet Isreal. When she got in and called his name he didn’t answer. She checked the bathroom, then the kid’s room. Then she went to the backyard and saw people downstairs screaming. Isreal was in Mama Fatima’s hand. She was screaming. She felt like jumping down. Her mind leaped! What must have happened?How did he get down there? Ha! It can’t be? She was doomed! She raced down, before she got downstairs Isreal had been rushed to the barrack clinic. She ran behind the crowd screaming. Baba Fatima started his Benz and chased after the women. He would have to be late for work.
When the women got to the Barrack Clinic they had not opened. It was just 8.13 so she and Mama Fatima and Isreal jumped into Baba Fatima’s Benz and he drove off to another private hospital close by. When they got there, the nurses took the boy from them but the Doctor had just closed from his nightshift. A call was placed to him to please come back and rescue a two year old who had jumped from a 3 story building. He swerved his car round egbeda junction, but there was traffic. He looked for somewhere and parked his car and alighted an okada to the hospital. As he received the boy into the theater he died. Died. Foam in his mouth and nose. His head swollen. He had landed on his back. Mama Fatima had heard a loud bang on the floor from her room. She heard him cry so she went to her backyard and saw him laid there, begging to move,Begging to shake. Mama Isreal knew. She knew he was gone. She started rolling on the floor. Though she’ll be left with 6 children she’ll prefer her 6! All 6!. She tore her clothes, punched, bit, pushed everyone that tried to console her away. All the women hammered her down until the Doctor was forced to sedate her. It didn’t work. Then she gave her another shot. Slowly she fell asleep and was taken home in Baba Fatima’s Benz. Fate had been on her side fairly though, because normally, Baba Fatima’s Benz had been faulty. The kick starter would not work unless if the car was pushed a distance. But today it started once. But fate had robbed her. He had playfully jumped on the mattress he had peed on on the railing where Ngozi had spread it to dry. He slipped. Fell. If the husband returns from work he’ll know. He’ll try to be a man and support his wife. But deep down he’ll question God.He’ll think through. He’ll want to know what he has ever done that Isreal had to pay for. He’ll never get over it. I wiLl never too. Because as Mama Fatima ran to the backyard screaming. Though I was going to work I ran with her, when we got there I saw him. Foam in his mouth and nose. Head swollen trice its size. I couldn’t move. I asked God “why?”

Postscript: This morning the 6th of October 2011 a neighbor’s kid fell from a 3 story building. All I wonder is. What force. What was behind the force that made him jump on that mattress? Who was behind that force? What is God trying to tell us (me,the mother,the father and all). I’d never forget today. I’m gravely sad and disturbed!iv not cried. But tears have rolled down(sorry…tears poured and I cried it heavily). I picture his chest crashing into the earth.broken,his intestine twisting,locking,unlocking, his kidneys matched. Squeezed. Blood rushing into his head. I’m sorry. Good night. Like Steve Jobs said ” Death is the only Destination we all share”.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

My Private Part:Scenes From My Rearview: Part 2

Geraldine pulled me and we danced a little, she didn’t really dance with me, it was more like, she danced for me. Then she dragged me like a stubborn goat towards the bathroom, I wanted to ask where we going but she started kissing me. But then I noticed something. Her mouth tasted like soured milk. I went through it like a bad ritual. But she wanted more, I could see her nipples trying to bust out through her blouse. She kept kissing hard. I became passive, she touched me down there. I held her hand. Took it to her chest and stopped kissing her. Her eyes were fixed on mine. I tore myself away from any expression. She kept searching for what was wrong. After some seconds she gave up and walked away in anger. I joined Peter. The idiot had been watching from a corner. When I got to him he asked “What happened” I shot a nasty look at him and he sucked it up. We went back to the dance floor, it was there I saw her. Her legs caught my eyes. Clean, Chocolate,straight and just perfect. She was dancing with Sanmi. I walked up to them. Grabbed her hand and she smiled. I knew Sanmi’s girlfriend so there was no trespassing. As we danced I saw Geraldine where she sat. There was blood in her eyes. But I looked away. I was dancing with Bee (let’s just call her Bee). I bend towards her ears and said “I’m tomiwa” she smiled. I mean, I was expecting that she’ll tell me her name. But she didn’t. We kept dancing. No flirting. She danced well. I tried to give collect her number, but she didn’t give it out,instead she collected mine.
One week later and I was still looking for her throughout school, I didn’t see her. Then one day on the assembly ground,just as we were dispersing I caught a glimpse of her. I ran towards her. She was with a girl I know. So I said “Hi” and walked away. The next day I called Mariam, her friend and asked. The girl you were with yesterday…..
I’D CONTINUE NEXT WEEK

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

A New Africa

Round n Round they danced/their heads jamming to the konga/up n down dey jumped/dia feet stamping the earth/ululations agog the air/the masquerades and dia masks/the women and dia calabash flasks/under the cool sun dey all baskd/the children too/dia tiny hands dey clapped/even the birds joind in…dey chirped/ food and palmwine/offering came as the swine/Today we carry the offerings of our HOPES to d village square/the hopeful heart never tears/So again we dance/until our prayers re hrd/the rains will pour/heavy it will come down/washe away our bad leaders/the drought/the bombings/the hate for color/our earth will be new/this morning we planted/our baskets empty..soon to be filled/Africa our mother/full of Givings/Alwys giving/But away we must chase..chase the Chinese/Polluting our farms/wrecking our barns/all for oil/Chase the westerners who speak tru dia nose/all for oil/empty smiles/Thieves they are/Rise my clan/ds is Jihad/wen my blood pour on Africa’s soil it is anoda Madiba/it will breed anoda Shaka/Anoda Fela/Anoa Nkrumah/From Freetown to Somalia/Let the givings flow/let the horn be blown/Stop Raping Her…Stop Raping My Africa!

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

THE AGBADA GENERALS :WORK IN PROGRESS

A well furnished room. There is a centre table at the middle of the cushion chairs. The arrangement of the parlor could be changed according to the directors discretion. To the stage left is a table full of food and drinks. To the right is a shelf of books.
Light opens on mukulele,nyame who are sitting with drinks in their hands and food on the table. At the food table is Charlie, who is serving himself. mukulele is president of south Africa, nyame is president of ivory coast, while Charlie is president of Liberia .They have all come on a courtesy visit to the president of Zimbabwe who has just won the presidential election the fourth time.[Roberts walks in. He is dressed in suit]

Robert; gentle men I am so sorry to for standing all of you up. I had to give a speech on the network television today. I hope you have been properly attended to?

Charlie[who is already half drunk] no need to apologize. You have done nothing to warrant my annoyance. Congratulations again.

Nyame; no need to congratulate him. How many times do you want to do it? I am sure he is already use to word. He has been hearing it since the last ….God knows how many years now.

Robert; please stop embarrassing me. It not like I have stayed half the years gabriel salasie stayed in power. By the way, where is Mathew?

Mukulele; You don’t expect any Nigerian born of a woman to be at any event stated for the time until two hours later.[they all laugh].
[as they laugh,Mathew burst in clad in a white agbada].
Mukulele; and did I remember to add that they always like to make a grand entry with loud noises?[again they all laugh]
Mathew; What are you sons of ashawo laughing at?[goes straight to the food table and start to gather food on his plate quickly]You bastards. You hungry hyenas. You have almost finshed the food. For that I will cut the financial donations I pledged to your countries by 25 percent.
Robert; Suppose you didn’t see me or any of us for that matter?
Mathew; Do you talk of manners to a man who is starving? I’ve been on the road and in the sky for one week now.[with his mouth full]wait! what kind of greetings were you expecting from me anyway. I hope its not something like congratulaions? If it is, forget it.
Nyame; Could your excellency please explain to this house why he is just arriving at an event planned for 12pm at 2.45 pm?
Mathew; ehn.if you know what happened to me….
All;SAVE IT.
Robert; you don’t have to explain any longer we accept you are not late.
Mathew; I don’t care.
Robert; please Mathew, sit down and stop behaving like a bush man.
Mathew; You don’t know how hungry I am.[puts his plate on the table and bring out a Ghana must go bag from his agbada pocket].I know this meeting is going to end with all of us going home with something. Put mine here, there is a stupid anti-graft body back home that is doing everything possible to indict their father of money laundry. So, no more bank cheques or anything .Please order your boys to put my money in here because…
Nyame;at least Mathew let the man rest

Mathew[cuts]what is your business. Are you Robert? After all we came to your inaugural party and you could not do anything than to make sure we got back home drunk so we won’t remember to ask for our rights.

Robert; Enough. Enough.[collects the bag from Mathew]if that is how you want it.

Mukulele; can we quickly talk so some of us can be on our way to our house?
Charlie; what is scaring you? are you worried there might be another apartheid if you stay any longer outside? Don’t worry, we wont allow it uhn.

Mathew; keep quiet.you boast as if my soldiers are not still in Monrovia trying to calm violence in your back yard.you castrated dog.

Mukulele; can we start this meeting please.
Robert[holding a glass of wine,get up and clears his throat]hmm hmm. I want to thank all of you for your immense support throughout the election process and even now. To all of us. Cheers.[they all bounce their glasses together and drink up.]now to the matter before us. I am going to start with nyame. How did you allow all the riots I see on my t.v screen come to place? It seems you re not interested in becoming the president of your country next year..
Mathew; He must be mad if that is true. I have told you. Smiling is the easiest way to get by in politics. Just keep smiling. Even if your opponent call your wife a prostitute. Just laugh like you have heard it before. Let your mind keep your intentions. But you? You wont listen. You must call a press conference to return all the insults you get. This is what I will advice you to do. Have a meeting… more or less like a party like this, call all of them and pretend to seek a way at ending all the political riots going on.
Nyame;[tries to cut in..]but, but…

Mathew; keep quiet and let me finish. Ofcourse they will not want to come. say it casually on t.v that you have sent an invitation to the other presidential candidates for a meeting. That way they wont say no. At the meeting, you pretend not to know anything about the kidnapping and killings. Tell them you’ve had threats too. That there have been continous attempts to assassinate you. That way, they will believe you don’t know anything about it. Assign a body gaurd to all of them. If you can give them bullet proof cars, go ahead. Do it.

Nyame;what! bulle…

Mathew;cuts]bullet proof cars. See you need to sell your self to these people. When you do that. Somehow, the media will hear it and tell the world. Suddenly you are their good guy again. None of those guys will ever feel comfortable critsizing you again. Infact, they wont.

Charlie; that is the truth. Dont wonder how I still have my band of loyalist despite how the international media has painted me.

Mukulele;I wonder how you think you could get pass clean after all the mess you gathered round your tail during your last tenure. By the way, Charlie. Whats this nonsense I hear that the queen is coming to visit you next week? who invited her?

Charlie; Don’t mind her. They say she’s visiting war torn countries. What makes her think we cannot condole ourselves.

Mathew; Don’t mind her. She is the only witch of that age that is no dead yet. Incase you don’t know. You will spend a lot of money. ohhhh. Why am I telling you? You saw how chogm was? I spent the money I wont even spend for the final burial of my mother or father. Same thing when tony visited.

Nyame; why is nobody talking about my election problem any more?
Mathew;ahan I thought we concluded on that matter?

Charlie. I agree with Mathew .i think that’s the best thing to do. At this stage, you cant settle violence with violence just pretend until when you win. After the election.then you can decide to pick your teeth one after the other.

Mathew; Ad if you want clean murder I can also arrange that for you. I have two boys who do jobs of that nature for me. Clean. Even the c.i.a wont find out anything. They were the boys abacha was using to wipe out every body. They work like james bond. They re suppose to be facing trial for the killig of some anti-junta activitst, but what the hell. They work for me. They live in peru. Whenever it is close to their hearing, I bring them home, after then they re back again. They just finished a job for me. I f you want their services, tell me before I leave tomorrow, I will give you a number.

NYAME; I think I prefer that. I will invite them for a party and then finish any one that says anything after.
CHARLIE; That’s too brutal, it like feed for slaughter.
MUKULELE; See who is talking about brutal? Is that up to what the u.n is trying you for?
CHARLIE; [jokingly] I am a changed man. Even you can testify…[pointing to Mathew direction]
MATHEW; hey, hey. Don’t point any finger at me. You re changed indeed. You have amputated every body who doesn’t want you as president. Your boys still go about raping women and ofcourse you re a changed man.

ROBERT; mathew what are you going to do about your grey hair afro nobel laureate. I watched him on cnn last night. You should see how he down graded all your policies. He said your rule is the most corrupt and insensitive in the history of Nigeria. He even said…
MATHEW;[ cuts in ] Are you also insulting me?
ROBERT; ho. I am just saying what the man said.
MATHEW; Thank you. He says whatever he wants to. I don’t know why they gave him that nobel in the first place. He knows I cannot do anything to him because we have com a longway together. I am used to his insults. Since we were in secondary school. Himself and thatbmouth afro singer called tela. They re far cousins and they all have big mouth. I think they inherited it. Any way I will tell my media secretary to give a response.
ROBERT; there were two others that were also interviewed. Uhmm. Gani fawe…
MATHEW; Yes. Yes I know him. That one? He is the head of big mouth people. He was arrested during the military junta for Godknows how many times. Last year he also ran for presidency
ROBERT; And Adams Oshiomole
MATHEW; Adams Adams.the people’s president. Oh yes. A vox pop run by a t.v station last year saw that 85% of my eople prefer him to me as their president. I closed that station down. Finally. Let me see how they will go about seeking people’s opinion on who should or not be their president. Frankly, I am scared of three of them. The international community hold them very special and whatever they say is always appraised.
CHARLIE; cant you silence them
Mathew; [cuts in] no I cant. The same international community protect them. Don’t you know boyinka’s story? That crook stayed in this country for 6 months while Abacha and his boys sweated their heads out looking for him. He was in a jungle close to my village transmitting live to the public how brutal the military were. How they killed this and how they killed that. They didn’t find him, he escaped. Did you think this same international body didn’t aid his escape. Clinton allow him more room than me in the white house. Don’t be surprised, one day he will say you rule badly and your people will suddenly realize how true that is and start an uprising.
Nyame; you need to see how every university professor in my country quote him.
MUKULELE; and you teachers? They going on strike again. Mathew don’t you you think should do something to put an end to their problem?
MATHEW; How do you mean?
MUKULELE; Increase their pay. Teachers in my country get trice the pay you pay yours.
MATHEW; Yours deserve it. Mine don’t. And one thing you should learn is. When you you make people too comfortable they will start getting bold unnecessarily. Any increase in anything, they will have the strength to protest. When people are hungry they wont have time for such things like radical activism and revolutionism. You starve them, that way you can control them.
ROBERT; they are a crazy bunch of people. I don’t know what I will ever do to please them. It always one thing or the other.
MATHEW;Oh and they have this song they sing whenever thy re going on their strike match.[he gestures to them to join him. They all get up and line behind him, holding their left hand in a fist and pinching the air with it. He starts the song and they join ]
ALL; SOLIDARITY FOREVER, SOLIDARITY FOREVER, SOLIDARITY FOREVER
WE SHALL ALWAYS FIGHT FOR OUR RIGHT.
They match back and forth.
MATHEW;[laughing]ahaha. I hear that song so often nowadays I feel it should become our national anthem.[they burst into laughter] if only they know that the only right they have is to sing that song.
CHARLIE; my place too, the association of medical practitionals want to go on strike. I am willing to increase though, buttheamount they re asking for is too much
MATHEW;i cant even afford to increase any body’s salary. We are owing alot people,the I.M.F, JAPAN,CHINA, I am owing you, I am even owing Charlie.
CHARLIE;I have told you not to worry yourself over that money. After all, I have not paid for the barrel of oil you gave me in portharcout when we came for the last A.U meeting.
NYAME; oh Mathew always does that.thank you for the ones you sent to me last month. You saved me a lot of problems.
MATHEW;Its nothing. That is for the land you gave to build my company in your country. I am sure gani don’t know about those company yet other wise the world would have heard that ameru Mathew osafanjo has 5 hotels, 3 oil company,2 contruction and cocoa company in Kenya. They would have learnt that I have 3 diamonds company in Liberia. Are we through with all the issues we want to discuss? Robert please forward the necessary papers I need for that consignment, otherwise we are going to lose that deal. And I hope the person that will front knows the main thing to do when he get to Geneva. No mistakes. If not I have plenty actors that swill pull that job off without any difficulty. We have to win the bidding for that contracts.
MUKULELE; I don’t believe we have anything to worry about. I told you about the south African working in Geneva. He has done hid job half way already.we are on this deal.
MATHEW;Nyame, don’t worry,you will be elected next year. There is no miracle that happen. No matter how much monitoring comes from U.N or the U.S. I will call the boys just let me know when you need them. Are we clear?
ALL;YES
MATHEW; now I think is time for our refreshment. Robert I hope you arrange for the girls? If not let me call my adc to wait and count the money while I grab a plane. My wife has gone to Italy for an operation. I have not met any woman in two weeks.
ROBERT;I thought you have a girl that you carry around.
MATHEW;ohhhh. I am done with her. She is beginning to know too much. Also, she demands too much. A common university undergraduate that won some competition and I saw that she could do with some help, instead she’s giving me problems.
CHARLIE; I am sure the troubles she gave you were accommodating because you had her around you for a long time. Did she ever get to complete her education?
(Getting angry.he get up and chase Charlie around the living room).

MATHEW; Now you should really watch your mouth. You re beginning to talk too much. What do you think I am? An idiot who will not allow the poor harlot to complete her first degree?Though I refuse to give her the money she asked for to do her masters in Birmingham university where she was offered admission.
[at this time Charlie stops running and began laughing].
CHARLIE; There you go. And you get angry when I asked if the girl finished her education. You don’t want her to continue her education so she don’t become more educated than you are. Really what were you scared of? That she would come back and be as English like your ever favorite enemy Queen Elizabeth II? So you will rather have her further her education with you. On your bed after your every hectic day. If I were her I will know everything called too much.
[Mathew get angry again and chase him some more while the rest burst into a loud laugh.]
MATHEW; You are very silly. You will see. It is your daughter that I am coming after next. Which of you. Which of you will allow such a thing?
MUKULELE; Will you both top behaving like cat and rat. But Mathew that was rather bad of you. If you see the girl gratifying enough to go round with you, a simple masters degree should not be an headache to you.
NYAME; Robert where is the refreshment for Christ sake.
MATHEW;[cuts in ]er…er… don’t just call the name of Christ any how. You stark pagan. I am sure you can count the times you stepped your feet in the church.
MUKULELE;You shouldn’t have gone there nyame. Mathew does not joke with Christ even though he does not follow all the words to the teeth.
MATHEW;What did you just say?
MUKULELE; nothing I said nothing.
MATHEW;I thought as much. Do not call the name of your God in vain so says the holy book.well I am you sons of Isabel will not know that part.
NYAME;And I am sure the same holy book said thou shall not kill.
MATHEW;Charles that law is talking to you.
CHARLES; why have all of you turned me to the highest killer? we are all guilty of taking lives here.
MUKULELE; No, no, not me.
CHARLES; Mathew is a veteran killer… no, executionist Is better. From coup plotting ,killing and what have you.
MATHEW; Charles I think hit the jack pot. From mass killings.to war.
[they all burst out laughing except for charles.who dips his hand in his pocket and brought out a whit substance in a small case that has a small ashtray.
ROBERT; Don’t tell me you came with that…
NYAME; Charles where did you get that from?
CHARLES; same place you got the marijuana you export to korea.
MUKULELE;Don’t tell me that thing came from robber..\
ROBERT;[Cuts in]excuse me gentlemen I will lke to visit the loo I should be back
MATHEW; you will not visit any toilet. you magpie. I knew you were greedy but I never knew you were greedy to establish a private cocaine plant.
ROBERT; What do you mean?i had this plant before we started running the joint one. Am I suppose to leave this one for that.
MATHEW; but you should have told us.
CHARLES; I Knew.
NYAME;. I knew not.
MUKULELE; Same here.
RROBERT; now you all know. I am sure it does not change anything.
MATHEW; It does. What if you start selling to our customers?[the rest nod in agreement].
ROBERT; I have my loyal customers since 1990 when I started.
[As they talk on, light goes off on stage. They all rally around].
MATHEW; rob what is going on?
NYAME; get my adc.
ROBERT; You all should relax. It is the electricity authority. Our dams are going dry. Light has not been stable. I am tired of that sector. I wish they never existed. I have had to change the ministers heading it more than three times this year.
MUKULELE; don’t they know this building should be an exception?
ROBERT; I told you no one knows this building except my adc.
MATHEW;[Running around]help help. Charles is trying to poke me with his penis.
MUKULELE; what that cant be true?
MATHEW; I know you wont believe since you come from the first black gay nation.
MUKULELE; Take that back Mathew
MATHEW; Take what back. Your men have been corrupted by those sick pigs who live with you and claim to be civilized. It still baffles me. How can an African man? Pure and undiluted, one day say he his tired of scrubbing the most moisture part of the earth. The sweetest thing God gave to us, planted in a woman.
MUKULELE; Why are you acting as if the madness have not spread to your country.
MATHEW; lai lai. God forbid. Even if there are Sodomites amongst my countrymen, they dare not come out in the open. We have strong cultural beliefs that my people can never abandon.
MUKULELE; I hear you. And your pastors? I read about some who also fancy our latest innovation.
MATHEW; I know where you are heading to. May I quickly remind you that he came to your country for his pastorial evangelism education. It was only understandable that he joined them since he could’nt beat them.
MUKULELE; you know that is no excuse Mathew. A drug law enforcement agent at your murtala airport wont say he became a drug addict just because he comes in contact with th e stuff.
MATHEW;Are you trying to call me&my people cocaine addict? I always knew you would come to that. 1st, let me tell you. It is your people who corrupt mine with their wayward lifestyle and it annoys me how the international media label us as the black sheep.
MUKULELE; my people and your people share a common resemblance. Being afircan. But to say my people corrupt your people? I think that is not being truthful. We have our history you know.
MTHEW; Spare me all that history jargons. As if it is only your country that has a history of violence. So what? You had to fight all your life to be free in your own country. What do uou think we were doing? The whole time we were trying so hard to make sure that lugard and his boys do not see any reason to stay any longer. Though I cant dismiss the fact that our so-called nationalist were fighting for their interest and that of their tribes alone.
MUKULELE; so you see? Skimming and scamming has been an integral part of your people.
MATHEW; But its different with my people. Except for these young bastards who do not have the fear of GGod in them. My people hardly go about killing each other because of a pair of shoes or a designer wrist watch.
ROBERT; they do that in South Africa?
MATHEW; And my people hardly kill themselves by calling the other cockroach.
NYAME; I thought this was suppose o be a simple harmless courtesy visit? I didn’t know it was the African section of anti-civil war peace and remembrance conference. Robert, I am leaving. When you intend to have a real party, call me.
CHARLES; You see what you two have done? Once you start with all that talk of who the giant of Africa is, the rest of us do not have any say again. Who care about the international press?[pointing to mukulele and Mathew]you? Or you?
ROBERT; can we please just go on with the party?
MATHEW; Do you call this a party? Or a fellowship? I wont have anybody call my country weak or insignificant. I know what I had to sacrifice to see Nigeria to where it is now
MUKULELE[in a sarcastic tone] Is that so? Then what will m.k.o say then?

robert come into their middle while nyame and charles hold Mathew and mukulele
ROBERT; You two can take your God forsaking debate elsewhere, but as far as iam the host of this our little meeting I wont have any more of this crazy discussion in here.
CHARLES; I am dead tired of it.
NYAME; why is body talking about my election issues?
MATHEW; Did another one happened while we were here?
NYAME; no. the same one
MAHTEW; The same one that I said I would call my boys to take care of?
ROBERT; don’t blame him Mathew if he has forgotten. He has a basket brain.
MATHEW: I wonder how he remembers speeches.
CHARLES: He doesn’t, they read it to his ears with the aid of an ear plug
MATHEW: Why wont you know? When you are not any better.
NYAME: So it is my turn to have a book opened on my head
MATHEW: Both of you are the most unsuitable people to become presidents. True. Life has its ways with things.
CNARLES[ Getting very angry] now what is that suppose to mean?

ROBERT; Mathew what is the problem with you today? Please do not offend every body out of this place
CHARLES: Do not pour the annoyance of the lose of your third term bid on us.
[jumps up from his chair and charge towards charles, robert quickly hold him back]
MATHEW: Did you hear that? Ehn?
ROBERT: Charles please.
MATHEW: I am warning every body here. Let no body get on my nerves.hhm. I brought along some juju and if I should hit anybody with it and he becomes paralyzed there is no cure
CHARLES: What a president to have. I am sure you threatened your workers with that.
ROBERT; talking about your third term bid, how is it going \?
MATHEW: Don’t mind those bastards. I have given them everything, but they don’t want to pass the bill.
MUKULELE: Who are the people stalling it?
MATHEW: The number one person going about with it with a big no on his fore head is my vice
[they all show surpirise on their faces]
NYAME: You mean tikku is not in support of it?

My Private Part…Scenes From My Rearview

You know what that means right? When someone says “that’s in my rear view”? It means its in the past. So here is what I want to do with this post…Its goin to be a weekly thing…when during the week I can’t tell, I’d post once a week. This is totally fiction. Ideas from things iv seen,heard,listened to,read and when I’m in a tight corner I might use my personal experience. So here…1st person narration style.

My 1st girlfriend..or let me say my 1st crush (let’s call her Yomi) was a light skinned girl. The only one that has come my way tho. I did lykd her..I must have been 13, bt it washed away as soon as it came…I was still in (can’t really remember). But I met Geraldine. (This was in high school). Quiet girl, dark skin, gentle voice. I heard she was intelligent too. I couldn’t go on with it. I mean going to ask her out physically. So I did the letter style. One night in my room after several trial I later came up with something like
“In the garden of love,city of affection….”
Peter delivered it to her the next day. The next day at the cafeteria I was seated eating my food when she dumped her plate of rice in front of me,sat down,took a spoon,swallowed and said “did u write that letter with your dictionary beside you? Do you want me to run mad?That’s too much english” I wanted to smile but I was still trying to swallow the food in my mouth. Then she said “So you like me?” I didn’t answer. I kept playing with my food. She asked again. Still no response. Then she ate for a while and spoke again “well I like you, I’ve always liked you. You’re handsome, but you’re always around the girls. If we have to date it has got to stop” I felt happy and at that moment I had to crack a smile. I managed to fill my mouth with a spoon of rice. She continued, “why re you smiling, I’ve not told you that I am gonna be your girlfriend” Before I could say anything she got up from her seat with her food and said “hope you’re coming to Onome’s party on Saturday? I hope to dance with you” . She left immediately she said it. I was still trying to catch my breath. Everything had happened so fast. It was Thursday. I rushed my food and went straight to Peter ” She’d agree”
The party wasn’t that interesting. I never liked parties. But I was waiting, rather,we were both waiting for what Geraldine had in mind. Once the dance floor was open people got on theRe and moving their feet and shaking their bodies. I kept waiting for Geraldine…Though I saw her where she had been sitting for the last hour. I was getting impatient. As I stood up to go look for her she appeared in front of me and said “you naughty dude, come!” It was more of a command,any way I kept walking behind her…..WANNA KNOW WHAT NEXt?SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

To Be Continued

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

So You Think You Should Be My Wife?

I didn’t mean to write this. But last week my friend Ademisola asked that I be a guest writer on her blog. She wanted me to write on the qualities I desire in a woman. Not that I never thought about such before. But I never gave it so much attention. So I started thinking about them. At the end I came up with the Top 5 I wrote below. Honestly, I am single! But Iv been thinking so much of someone. Her personality is WOW. Not that she got all the things I talked about. But she has some things that makes me forget about the QUALITIES I wrote below. I pray it works between us. That said,please comment on this particular article after you read and tell us just one Must Have quality you expect from your “would Be” partner. You know,not until Sola asked me to write this,I never had it in mind. I mean,5 Top things I want in a girl. But yes I know a girl must have some qualities to be in my life. See, I got issues…and flaws too. So a chick that’s gone be with me gotta have the following
I don’t care where a chick is from. Yoruba,Hausa Calabar,Pakistan,Greece or Isreal. 1st, she gotta be Independent. I started working when I was 9. Yeah. I hawked when I was young (yea,shit was rough,it was IBB’s Sap period,then Abacha.gotta support the Fam) so I’m independent. I’d like a chick to be too. If she like make she come form “Ego” cos she independent,I go break dat Ego. Your father yansh!
2. I’m not particular about a fine chick. Bet my chick gotta be Smart&Intelligent. Know a little about everything. It is said that People with good sense of humor are Smart people. Be able to chip in one or two things when I’m with friends and we discussing stock and shares or something. Intelligent. She gotta be able to manage my finance,my business. Manage my schedule.Understand me,the fact that as an entertainer, imma be on the move most times.
3. She gotta be a great cook. I love food!Goddam!I love food! She gotta be able to make me forget why my Manager didn’t get me booked for the Last Chris Rock concert or something. So yeah…She must sabi cook. And for the records. I don’t like too much yoruba food. “Omi Obe” isht!Nah…Give me some Oha,Afang,Onubu Ukodo,Massa and all.
4. I’m a freaky fella. I love everything that got to do with nakedness. Nah.I aint no Perv. I love God. One of the reasons I do is cause he gave us Sex.Love Making. The act of it. I like me a quiet and gentle chick in the eyes of the world, but a traveler in the bed room. An adventurous chick. Ready to try new things. If only for once. Not some missionary bore. The world moved pass that. We radicals now. Someone who can take charge.#ImsorryifigotyouPaintingPictures,That’sYourBusiness.
5. My chick gotta be more spiritual tha I am. God gotta be in her life. I’m spiritual.I mean, yea yea…but I really need me a chick that’s God fearing. She gotta respect God.Respecting God is also knowing not to lie to me about how much you need to buy a brazillian wig. To fear God is to be prudent with my money.
I could name more.But these 5 re a must have. And for the record, I’m still single. #JokesApart, I think my search for all these qualities in a chick is why I am still single cos half of the chicks I meet don’t have them.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

IBRO &FATIMAH

You like the picture of those kiDs uhn?I wish not to show their faces but damn!They re too beautiful! The guy is Ibrahim and the girl is Fatimah. I met them at the Iwo road park in Ibadan. Last week was hectic. I left Lagos on Thursday for an event I had in Ibadan on thursday evening. When I got to Ibadan I landed right into Lafup’s hand. Dropped my bag in the car and quickly chased my referees.(Spare yourself the problems of trying to find out all those details).
Friday was lovely until around 5pm! Each time that moment flash through my mind I want to kill someone, but God is good. At 6.30 pm I was ready for my dinner. Got to the venue and my ring leader Halima was mad at me for showing up late. I was to cover the red carpet moment. I didn’t like what I was wearing so off I went into the bathroom and changed my shirt. In some minutes I was done. I was on the red carpet. The crowd strolled in, in twos threes and I kicked off. Twenty minutes into the show I’m trying to get the audience to loosen up. Unlike my regular day. I wasn’t relaxed myself. I didn’t want to throw in my best joke just yet…then I saw this Lady wearing something funny. A lot of things came to mind. I went on stage and worked on it. It worked,they loosened up. Dinner was over around 9.10 pm. Got a cab to Law to meet Lepacious Bose,was with her till 11.40pm until she checked into her hotel room. Then on Saturday morning The excos and committee members of The Law Cultural Night decided to act really #*:;?!. It did pissed me off, then that same Saturday I went Polo-ing. Roda a horse called Ghaddafi. Mad Horse. A proper stallion. Stubborn as hell. Met a twitter friend. Then I slept off till 6 and got ready for another event. This was worse. No proper arrangement. I think I and the caterer were the only paid people here. Crazy! Didn’t have fun until the end part of the dinner.
Sunday was the deal day. I was billed to perform at the Gbenga Adeyinka&Friends show at a place called Jogor Centre. I had been nervous since Friday about the show, but at the end I had massive fun. Monday I couldn’t make it back to Lagos. So Tuesday I packed my bags. Then Lafup said,”I wanna pick something at Bodija” we got there and I bought some stuffs for the house. Then I grabbed a cab to Iwo road. Where I met these two. Ibrahim came to me first where I sat at the front seat. I liked his naughtiness. Some minutes later Fatimah came by. She was looking like one of those Arabian women. What interested me was the way and fashion at which they spoke Yoruba language. We chatted for a long while. The men at the motor park didn’t really like them and kept chasing them away. Fatimah asked me for money, and I asked her to sing for me. Vuala! She started singing Fuji. I was amazed! So beautiful was her voice. I asked her how long she had been in the country. She said just 5 months and her mother was back in Niger Republic, she was in the country with her father who I am sure was somewhere watching us. I had thought they were Siblings but Fatimah said nay! She kept singing Fuji until my cab left. I had to give her money. I gave them both money.

P:S-this is more like a diary I wanted to keep. So do not be mad if I couldn’t satisfy your reading urge. Start your own blog na.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.